"A flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all."
The night you left, I almost went crazy. I almost peeled away every layer of midnight just searching for something to howl at. I am slowly learning that the moon isn’t tattooed to the sky. I am slowly learning that she won’t always be there when I need her the most. Every day, people hand me broken glass, and I kiss it hard and long because it is the only thing that hurts the way loving you did. What I mean is you were a mosaic of everyone you broke, and I didn’t know how to stop touching you even when I cut my fingers on the people you loved before me. I wish I could say I was getting better. But some days I still throw bottles across the room and sleep in the mess for hours. It is the closest I can come to your hands. It is the closest I can come to what it felt like when you held me.
I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love.